Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
