Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Can I color on your dick again?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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