Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
