i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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