i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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