is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
