you have to choose: penises or morals?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
