whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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