I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
