I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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