it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
