I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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