i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Welp...herpes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I party with great urgency now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
