Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
