Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
