Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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