just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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