if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
