i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my being single is dangerous.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
