That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
