So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
