The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
