meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
