Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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