i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
