I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
