I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
