I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
