I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
