Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
