You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
