i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
