everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
