So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
