Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
