Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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