what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
