she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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