I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
