Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
