dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
