YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
