Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
