If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
