you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
