well you can't waste a boner
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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