Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
