i need an iv and a liver transplant
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He better not be in your backpack
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
