Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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