We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
