so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
