The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
