At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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